I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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