textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
