I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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