Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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