The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
