Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
