I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
