WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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