Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
