did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
