Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize