i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
