dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
