Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
