Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
