my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
