HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
