What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
