Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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