Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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