does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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