I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
