we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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