I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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