So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
