yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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