Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
