Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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