Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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