I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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