Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
