The maid of honor just puked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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