So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
