i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
