I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
