So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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