I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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