That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
