He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
God, I missed his penis.
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