i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
