Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
