he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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