i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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