you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
