Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
