When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
