Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
