All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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