and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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