hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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