drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
