I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
