So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
