They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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