That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
