plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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