The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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