OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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