Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
