I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
