I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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