At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
