i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
