If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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