i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
