I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
