I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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