If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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