Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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