spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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