yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
