i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize