I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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