The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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