Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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