I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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