sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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