You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
