mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
