Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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