i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
