RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Randomize
