Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
