It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
