this boner is exhausting
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
