How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
