i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
