ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
