tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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