Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
