True but thats because hes a fetus.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
