smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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