We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
