I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
